Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
