Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it glows. i had to have it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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