spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
