Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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