I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize