I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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