and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
