I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
