I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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