I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bring money and cleavage
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
