i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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