You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
