So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would ride that face into the sunset
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
