I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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