I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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