Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
