once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
