Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
