She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
