the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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