my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
