oh god the rape fog is back!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
