I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
