I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize