he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
