The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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