he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize