so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
