my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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