she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize