That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
