dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
