Welp...herpes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
