It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
