This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
