And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
