Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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