I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
