I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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