Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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