is wine microwaveable?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
