turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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