it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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