god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
