turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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