Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
