I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
did i just pee glitter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
