He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
