went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk is not a location!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
