You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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