Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
smell my finger.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
