Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
