I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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