I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
