I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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