literally had 100 drinks last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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