You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
