Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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