During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
