Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
