I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
