does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We don't watch enough power rangers
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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