Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize