I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
