He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
