U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
