I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
