you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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