Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize