If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
