Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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