they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
